Not normal...but lots of fun.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Emotional Baggage


I've been gone a while again. But with the added benefit that I now understand a lot more about myself. Whenever I'm too stressed, I can't write. You can tell me I need to. I know I need to. But I can't. Stress weighs me down better than a rock in a cloth bag, sinking in the stream. I can only swim when the rock is removed, or at least shrunk a bit.

Some of my former readers may remember my aunt who moved in with my mom and I last summer. For the rest of you, my aunt is a mentally disturbed individual with a lot of problems in her past. We were letting her stay with us because she was virtually homeless and in a really bad position. We cleaned her up and let her rest with us for six whole months. And do you know what she did to repay us?

She married the guy who lived with his parents across the street from us, stole a truck and hunting gun from someone who lives in our town, and robbed a bank right down the road from our house. Then, she took the money, gun, truck, and then fiance back to her parent's house where she was then discovered and arrested. Her new husband was the one who actually walked in the bank with a bandanna over his face and the gun in his hand and robbed the bank of its money. He even shot the gun two times in the bank, over the heads of the patrons there!

I have never been so horrified in my life! How could she do this? How could HE do this? I mean, she's an absolute nutcase, we knew that, but what's his excuse? Oh, and they were caught with drugs (enough to get intent to sell instead of just possession) and drug paraphernalia. They have like four felonies, and two or three misdemeanors.

It's all so unbelievable. We're embarrassed and sad and angry and a whole host of other emotions that I don't want to even get into. But because of the stress from this whole mess, I haven't been able to write for weeks! I couldn't even think about it. My creative juices were at nil, and my desire to work was even lower.

Finally, though, I'm getting over it. But it made me think about my lulls in writing in the past. They only occur when there is a major upheaval in my life and the stress becomes overwhelming. My emotions control my writing ability so much, it's a little frightening.

How do other people do it? How do you get over the major stress and write anyway? Is it a matter of discipline? Do I not have enough? Or do I just have more stressful events (by the way people talk about my life, lots of people seem to think so)?
I mourn the stressful events of my life, and the loss of writing that I've accrued because of it. BUT, when I think about it, I also have to be a bit glad for what I've experienced. My exciting, terrifying, horrifying, sad life has given me a lot of inspiration for stories and a lot of insight into how my heroes and heroines might feel. I have no doubt it has made me a better writer.

What do you think? Do you stop writing when something major in your life happens? How many major things have occurred in your life, and do you think those things made you a better writer?

Thanks so much for reading, and I'm sorry I've been gone so long. It seems to be a constant trouble with me. But at least I come back with some exciting stories to tell! ;) Have a great day everyone, and happy writing!

14 comments:

  1. That's really crazy O_o At least it only took her six months to do it. I think if I'm stressed maybe I can't write, it would explain just how little writing I do actually. So then I can't help you with pushing through it if I have that problem too.

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    1. At least I know I'm not alone! It's amazing how linked my emotions and creativity is. If it's that way for everyone...it's amazing there are any books to read at all.

      I guess I'm left hoping that I'll have a stress-free few months so I can catch up on my work finally. And that you have the same, too!

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  2. I have that same problem too - stress absolutely cripples me, but not just with writing. When something bad happens, I feel like going to bed and not waking until my life can start again. Unfortunately, that means I seem to be in a constant state of waiting. I've been trying to overcome this lately, but I don't think it's something that is a quick-fix.

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    1. I have similar troubles. I have lupus, and stress is one of the contributors to the disease...which is probably the reason I'm having a really, really bad lupus flare this year.

      My problem isn't so much that I want to go to bed, though. It's that I just want to go inside my head and not come out until I can deal with reality again. Unfortunately for me, that means I live inside my own imagination a lot. While imagination is key to writing, you can't really write anything unless you come out of your head for a while and live in reality for some time. Reading does not require reality. Writing, somehow, does.

      No quick fixes for anything important in life, I suppose. But I'll have to try to fix it somehow. I just can't figure out how.

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  3. Personally i think there's nothing wrong with not writing while you deal with something you need to. I didn't know you have Lupus and I think you're determination to write is admirable, but at the same time I would say, as a friend, take care of yourself first. You'll get there, it just might mean your novel will be published six months or a year later than you wanted. As sad as it is perhaps this will keep your aunt from adding stress to your life.

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    1. I know. I shouldn't feel bad because my life needs dealing with every once in a while. But all the "truly dedicated" writers say that they don't miss a day off unless someone in their family dies or something. I don't know, it makes me feel all guilty inside that I'm not as good as they are.

      But you're right. My mental and physical health is more important than my writing...and frankly I can't write if I lose either one of them, anyway! Thank you for the great reminder of keeping my priorities straight. These are the words of a truly great friend.

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  4. Oh my god, I don't blame you for being stressed and needing a little break from blogging.

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    1. Lol. Thanks! Life has been pretty crazy, I must say. But I think I'm back to stay...at least for a little while. Mom's health isn't doing well again (they have her on chemotherapy pills and steroids; the chemotherapy is giving her urinary tract infections, and they have to take her off the chemo to treat it, which brings on TIAs; the steroids are causing her to gain weight around her throat and cuts off her breathing in the middle of the night so they need to cut it down before it kills her, but she keeps having strokes whenever they drop it down). If anything huge happens in that direction, I'll probably vanish again.

      Between my aunt, Mom, and my own health issues, you'd think I was living in a novel myself! In fact, this would be the part that the knight in shining armor swoops in on his white steed and saves me from my terrible fate.

      And wouldn't you know it? He's late.

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  5. Stress helps me write. I sometimes write to vent. It helps.

    But hey, whatever works for you.

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    1. Wow. I wished it helped me write. I'd get so much work done, I'd blow people's minds.

      Thanks for the differing perspective! It really livened up the discussion. Have a great day, and happy writing!

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  6. I write when I'm stressed, but I never publish any stress-induced rantings. That way, I can just let it all out and not have to worry about anyone judging me or reading what I wrote...until my grandkids find my journals and realize what a crazy lady granny was. I think you have done a remarkable job coping with the situation and putting a positive spin on it as it relates to your writing.

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    1. Thank you so much! That's a wonderfully kind thing to say, and I actually agree with you. Hiding your stress-induced rantings would probably be a good idea. Don't want anyone reaching for the strait jackets, or anything. When I'm stressed, I usually write poetry. The great thing about poetry, though, is people rarely see what you really went through. They only see the emotion and pain and thought, no actual events that lead to it.

      I bet your grandkids love your journals and grow up hoping to be just like grandma. Crazy and all. Have a great day, and happy writing!

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  7. This is rough, and a harder life than most bloggers. I can't relate too much, but I write as a way to vent. I started my blog when I just moved to a new state, and used my personal space to rant about how odd things were in my new town.

    It has made me transparent, which is a good and bad thing. I don't hide my emotions, but sometimes I probably should.

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    1. Lol. Being transparent has always been a personal problem of mine. I probably let people know far more about me and my personal life and feelings than I should.

      But what fun is life without a little risk? If you never let yourself be open to the world, you'll never get anything from it. And why live if you're not really going to live at all?

      I like to vent in my writing, too, but getting online, being social, talking to actual live people...that requires a certain mood that I rarely have if I am stressed out or sick or upset. Then there's writing a story. It requires a certain amount of concentration, so that you can get in the world you're writing about, live the story as you write it. Then you have to be able to translate the thoughts and feelings and images you see in your head into actual words that make coherent sense to someone other than you and your mom. Not easy to do when you're upset and stressed and sick. In fact, it's a rather lot like work when you're in those moods, and more work than you can stand if you're been working all day.

      Anyway, thanks so much for your commiseration, and for your perspective! I'm so glad to hear how you've dealt with stress and problems in your life. Learning other people's way of thinking is invaluable to everybody, especially writers. After all, how can you make characters if you only know your own way of thinking? They'd all be the same!

      Have a great day, thanks for commenting, and happy writing!

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